NEWSFLASH! CAGE FIGHTERS ARE STILL FUCKING ANIMALS

Remember a few pages / years back when we agreed to go down to the Troxy and take pictures of all the pretty animals in the cage? If not feel free to wade back a few pages and see the fighters in all their glory. Very obviously the main reason we came down to the bowels of East London, saddled up side to side with shaven headed EDL grunts and immersed ourselves in the caveman-like atmosphere of beer, strippers and sporadic violence was to see some of the grunts getting their faces smashed off and we made great effort to grab as many pictures we could of knocked-the-fuck-out cagefighters only to be met with the very real threat of violence from the apes prowling the edges of the cage that didn't take too kindly to our morbid fascination with their bleeding and sputtering post knockout. One of the guys that grabbed at me that night (the one that kncked me off the podium before everyone started cheering) was matey-o in the above clip who has clearly come a long way with his anger issues in the three or so years since then.

WORDS: ESS EKS

SO IT'S THIS...

VS THIS,

Another lovely shiny Apple product that's essentially the same as the last one, another nubile young thing willing to sell herself / her politics (lol) / her dignity / her relationship with her entire family for the sake of walking around talking into the must-have accessory of the teenies in public before her mates' can. KAWAII'! Can I get some face time?

Noteable quotes:

[I'll] 'sell' my virginity if I have to because dad won't buy [me] one."

- a typical Weibo user [blink]YEAH FUCK YOU DAD[/blink]


According to our sources 'feedback on Weibo has been overwhelmingly negative' with the hivemind saying it's not worth the trade, proving beyond any shadow of a doubt that Weibo's are NOT the Weebos in disguise you would have expected, of course a few people are calling FAKE on the whole thing but then those people always do. Turns out there's another kid out there for an ipad but being a boy and hence his virginity being worth squat, he sold his kidney instead and is now regretting the decision. I'll probably still hit her up as soon as someone sends me us a review model anyway so I'll let you know how it goes after the drop.

WORDS: ROBERT SNOOT
GIRL: maybe a seven...

DURRRR THEY DO INTERVIEWS WITH PORN STARS AND RUIN PEOPLES LIVES FOR FUN

Turns out we do interviews with porn stars and ruin peoples lives for fun! First I've heard of it but here's an interview with a porn star b2b some random kid's DOX a recently incarcerated friend of ours acquired during standard operations. 


Hey Veronica what's up? Turns out you're the most famous person on DOA. Narrowly beating out Mistabishi who came a respectable second. Why so long no post?

Sorry kids! been super fucking busy! just got to see gnr after waiting for 18 years to see axl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

Yeah, Axl's a real arsehole, and what's up with those cornrows? What a dick! Anyway I hear the prostitutes up in Soho take on up to ten unwashed, mainly Arab cocks a day! How does that compare to a pro-vidgirl like yourself?

Girls can shoot once a week or seven days a week, two scenes a day. Depends if you want your asshole to fall out or not. Also depends on how used up you are.

And you climbed your way into the Heff's social circle! Wow, that's like the ram records of porn! You must feel real proud of yourself and your achievement.

I'm going back to playboy on the 5th to promote the relaunch of my official site. I gave a shout out to The Moribund Jungle Vicars last time, funny none of you have sirius to listen!

I don't even know what the hell that means! So what's hot Veronica?

I think its hot when a guy lets a girl fuck his butt....thats hot!

Can you explain this fake jizz business? So like, the girl is on her knees, the camera trained on her cute face, meanwhile someone off camera sprays fake jizz on her face and then they pan back as she's licking it up, then focus on the guys cock like it came from there? What's up with that? Maybe I want my money back... I'm not sure...

Yeah it happens. usually because the girl wont do a creampie or maybe because the guys load isnt big enough.


Okay, well here are the DOX. Thanks Veronica!


[LOL REDACTED]


WORDS: THE INTERNET

PICTURE: SWIM

DOX: LULZSEC (lol v&)

SASHAWATCH: SASHA IS MAKING TEA!

372 people like this!

Noteable quotes:

"That is easy: just use twice as much water for your coffee, and it is like tea. In Germany, we call it Flower Coffee, because throuh (sp?) it you can see the flowers printed on the bottom of the cup."

- An Earnest German


 "i lyk your pussy,"

- A fucking American

WORDS: DAPPA DON DADDA
PHOTOSHOOP: RESET THE CREATOR 

Noteable quotes:

"DOWN WITH THE W£$T are a breakcore/thrash/drum n bass duo.
All music is improvised and played on drums and guitar.
No computers or loops are used...."

- Tailz

MYSPAZZ

THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP I STUCK A FLUTE IN MY...

WORDS: TAILZ

PHOTO: DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN

When people started sending us links to a band called DZ DEATHRAYS (CAPS LOCK = CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL) and telling us 'it's the sort of thing we'd like' we weren't sure if they were taking the piss to be honest. Then we listened to the band and weren't sure if they were taking the piss. Then we e-mailed the guys to ask if we could pitch them to some proper magazines and they told us they started the band simply to ruin people house parties, are inspired by DFA 1979 and are currently on tour with cerebral Ballzy and Thrush Metal at which point we accepted that DZ DEATHRAYS are pretty much exactly the sort of thing we'd like and straight away started fretting over the idea that we might have become a little predictable in our old age. Something to think about anyways, meanwhile - checkem'.

Noteable quotes:

 "you should check these guys out man, you should chuck em on your website, a lot of hype hype," 
- Richard kersweil


WORDS: GT
VIDEO: NSMYTH2  

SOMEONE WE LIKE!

Forget Rebbecca Black, the guys over at the SFC are kicking off the pr arm of things by putting us in touch with Rebbecca Bergcrantz who is currently doing Norf' London with her inimitable mix of self-produced electro and acoustic styles. Unbelievably Rebbecca has forged a sound that actually manages to stand out in the current sea of female singer-songwriters in norf' Lahndahn. Given she ended up living with us for the past few weeks we decided it would probably be worth running an interview and posting it here and all the usual places. Catch you after the drop and without farther ado some words from the lady herself.

Hey Rebecca, we really like the fact that you produce all your tracks yourself. So what software do you use?

I use Logic, sometimes Garageband, sometimes Abelton. I like moving a project between the programs to get an optimal sound.
 
How long have you been into writing and performing music?
I've been performing music all my life. I've been writing music very rarely through the years. The songwriting took off for real when I started to do electroic music, which only was last year, and that's because  I love the whole arranging bit. I find it extremely stimulating to be in charge of every single sound instead of only write a melody with chords and lyrics.
 
Most of your family seem to be pretty musically talented in varying ways. Are you classically trained?
 
I guess I'm more of a "schooled musician" than many of the bands around nowadays, but I would never ever call myself a "master in music theory". But as my parents are composers in jazz and classical music, it's always been important that we are some what able to master the musical notation, it makes it a lot easier to mediate your ideas to the band you play with. I wish I knew loads more but I'm way too lazy.
 
How do you feel about the state of the music industry today? With everyone d/l everything for free and the arse dropping out of the record sales business how do you see the future for young emerging artists?
 
I do see a future for us cause the people in the world will allways need music. It's just gonna be different from how it has been before. Can't say in what way yet. I just hope I can release at least one or two actual physical CD's before all sales are gonna be done digitally.

Is there a particular message behind your music?
Nothing more than I really can't see a point of doing this if you're gonna do something that's already been done. It might sound a bit pretentious but I believe it's all about creating and the message and the music are all there already, in the air. You just have to hear it and get it down on a paper.
 
Where can we catch you performing next?
At the moment me and my band are just rehearsing and figuring out the perfect way to do it live. But there are a lot of venues in London who've wanted me to play already. So in the middle- the end of the summer. :)
 
Is there an album in the works?
Can only say that there are options and it's very exciting =).

WORDS: BOBBY PEE

PHOTO: SUPPLIED

 

Obviously anybody in an indie band is either a: a desperate fame-seeking wanker, b: a spoilt middle-class wanker or c: a wanker but what about when everybody in the band is all three of these things at once? How are you supposed to get a picture of them for the feature if the guitarist can't stop pleasuring himself for even five seconds? And what type of wanker is worse? The kind that masturbates in his press shots or the kind that's just an irritating, bitching, self-obsessed, spoilt, fucking dickhead, arrogant bitch, thinks we give a fuck, fucking total cunt that thinks she can argue with us on e-mail? Having spent about half an hour with Commanichi (I don't care about the fucking spelling mate) I can categorically say I'd probably put a butcher knife through the neck of the latter before the former but only because we got a decent picture out of him.

WORDS: MARY MUSTAPHA (AND WHAT?)

PHOTO: RORO CHARNEL

    (pic unrelated)

aaaaaaand we're back. Two months since we died and reports of our death have been greatly exaggerated. With the SFC (sucker-for-colour.com) takeover bid in place it's now all about the waiting game whilst the £££ roll in. Since we're too big and drug-addled to actually do any work now we've been contracting work out and returning to the editorial desk (we still edit with chainsawz). Here is a bit our friend Alex Gody (the guy from the Badical) did for us a while back. It's an interview with 52 commercial road! Think of it as a 'how long can I listen to a post rock band bang on before I fall asleep' type competition that you win when you close the browser window.

Alex – How would you describe your sound:

Ben 52: The easiest way to describe it is by the bands we get compared to. We’ve often said that people who haven’t really listened to post rock say Mogwai, people who have Sigur Ros and people of the older generation who haven’t listened to much instrumental music say pink Floyd.

Pat 52: to me the definition of post rock original applied to instrumental music.

Alex: In terms of your sound how would you say that collaborating with other instrumentalists has changed your sound over time. Does it make you approach song writing in a different way or is it when you think a tune needs something else do you bring someone in?

Tommy: we’ve been keen to work with other musicians on a more regular basis. In some cases the song ideas being preformed means it kind of develops in that way naturally rather than having to accommodate it but for some tracks it just needs something else - (CUT! fuck this I'm ending it here, this goes on for fucking ages -ED)


WORDS: ALEX GODOY (from from the Badical)
PHOTO: RICARDO GOOGLIANO'

WARNING: SFC is about to go live.

Mainly due to blogspot not being the best place for posting blatantly illegal shit and the awful site templates they force you to use we've compromised some server space @ www.sucker-for-colour.com and will be relocating activity there in the near future. Feel free to check out the minimalist front page and brace yourselves for possibly the best thing to come from our camp since FITP was a print magazine. But what of the blog and what has gone before? We managed to track down some of the people we've featured over the years to see what became of them. Everyone featured here is still on the site.

MARTIN NU-ART:

Ignored all of our e-mails, probably still pissed off at the hack job we did with his i/view (we edit with chainsaws)

STEVIE THE PEDOPHILE:

Stevie is not really a pedophile and the whole thing turned out to be mere falsehoods and artistic fiction (only a fool would take what's written here as fact).

MR BANGKOK:

The man that fucked 300 whores. Apparently he's 'fine', still doesn't have AIDS and is going for the 1000 GET. We linked him to both of our articles about him (one here, one at DP.com) and he found them 'amusing'. Still banging on your system banging on your system probably on your system.

CAGE THE ELEPHANT:

Our favorite band guys ever. They did another album! We'll be following up with another i/view and may even be dragging them across to SFC with us.

THE BADICAL:

The first act to sign up with SFC (a creative agency). You should do this as well if you want to be like them (or us).

FRANK YANG:

Still a wanker.

DJ LIVELY:

His new album comes out next week. He's not worryed.

6 NATION STATES:

Who gives a shit? Like 99.9% of new bands they suck and never got anywhere. We haven't seen their manager since the time we saved a young lady from his hentai tentacle rape like fingers at our favorite ex's party. To be fair he was always the best and most interesting thing about that band though.

THE CAROLINES:

Kicked out drummer Richard (the best Caroline) and replaced him with someone we refuse to acknowledge in any fashion. Apparently they are busy recording a new album (dibs on doing the front cover again guys).

ODD FUTURE:

Became XBOX HEUG like we told you they would, old and stuffy music journalists that tried to hate take note. Your opinions are worthless, this is the internet, this is 2011.

BLOCKHE4D:

Are probably still upset about the whole /benz/ thing. Sorry guys but that's how we roll. Deal or no deal.

DIGI-WATT:

Fuck Digi-watt (you heard?)

DJ RESET slash SHORRNX slash MARCUS HALBERSTAMM slash whatever-the-fuck-he's calling himself this week:

Fuck that guy too (ur tunes suck).

ALLY:

Still dead off heroin.

BEARKNUCKLES:

Maybe still a band, maybe not. Only google knows. Only google cares.

KIDS WITH GUNS AND ART QUEADA

Preparing for the inevitable mega riots when the tories start cutting all the dole money later this year.

THE HEROIC NATION OF ISLAM:

Still hating on whites and jews, about as relevant to modern day Britain as the fucking BNP (nobody cares what they think).

WORDS: FITP ALL STARS
PHOTO: His name is Robert Paulson.